What do you do when the things that held you captive begin to fade away; when the comfort of the familiar pain is no longer there and all you are left with is the unknown? Where will you go? How can you move when every ounce of you is SCREAMING for what you know... For most people who have lived through trauma or been abused, (either as a child or as an adult) you know the “comfort of your pain”. I know what it feels like to be afraid to the point my entire body of shaking uncomfortably. I know what it’s like to be beaten, mocked and rejected. I know what it feels like to be used as nothing more than an object, and later tossed away like trash. I know what it feels like to be lonely, abandoned, and afraid. I know what heartache and depression feel like.... because for many years this was my “beacon” in life that pointed me “home”. For many years this was my “best friend” that kept every single one of my dirty little secrets I was so very ashamed of. For many years this was my “comfort blanket” that I wrapped in to protect myself from the world.
You see for so many years I longed to be free and I cried out to God, begging him to remove my pain and shame.... but every time He tried removing a “stitch” from my past that was woven into my heart, I pushed His hand away in terrifying protest. God has never “delivered me from my past’s hurts, pain and struggles... He’s ONLY walked with me through my life’s journey of healing.
“Come.” He’d gentle whisper as I’d curl up in a ball at night. “Come.” He’d whisper as I’d lay in darkness with tears covering my face and pillow. “Come.” He’d say as every word I wanted to say... never found there way past my lips.
“Come. ‘Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me... and you will find rest for your soul.’”
Learn... From... Him...
What does that mean??? How does that look? Can I trust Him not to hurt me too?